Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Lanres Pen.....

                                           STEP BACK DARLING!!!

Which of these troubles ahead do you not see.
You see the struggle of your widowed mother.
You see the struggle of your unemployed over qualified sister.
You see the struggle of your under paid over achiever sister.
You see the struggle of your very eligible yet un-married sisters.
You see the struggle of your cousins with families and no bread.
You see the struggle of your neighbor, high to their necks with wealth and security but a fire they couldn’t quench.
You see the struggle of a good man become bad
You see the struggle of a mother as she cares for kids that care lil or none for her.

You see the struggle of a man whose heart left their burdens(kids) for greener pastures
You see the struggle of young gals reaped off of their innocence.
You see the struggle of the justified in jail for injustice.
You see the struggle of a lady in her home for the birth of a child which she cannot manufacture.
This struggles you see are not wanted, they are from circumstances beyond control. These struggles are genuine struggles that we do not know which will come our way no matter our plans.
Now I ask you young man, why increase your struggles?
Why create for yourself a struggle that will bring you farther away from the beginning of your real struggle?
Why willingly punish yourself in a struggle you have no business in?
Hold your own my dear brother, cos the path you see, has struggles way beyond your own n mine.
Hold your own my dear brother cos this path you walk through might have no turns or return.
Hold your own my dear brother cos this path you seek will cost you everything including your head.
Hold your own my dear brother cos at best we can only hold your hand.
Hold your own my dear brother and step back, now you can.
Yes you can back
Yes you can  be the man you really want to be
Yes you can be the hero to our lil ones
Yes you can leave that struggle and face yours
Yes you can be the man of greatness and admiration,
But you have to step back and now

                                      A MISTRESS TO A SINGLE MAN 

 He is smart and special. Tall and cute, lips like the strawberry lip balm I just bought. O but the boy is smart. Just the right size of tummy. Smile to kill. Eyes that literally melt whatever harness I claimed to have had. But you. Stupid stupid stupid. Big hips not correlating with upper body. Soooo slow. You nag unnecessary talk too much, wont even mind your business. Busy planning other peoples lives even when they haven’t given you the access card. Best is to keep whatever intentions away from you before you put your restless mind into wettin no concern you. Have you finished with your life? Tell me have you done all you need to do for yourself? Then why, why are you butting into other peoples lives. He is so calculative and safe. He keeps all that belong to him safe. A very fragile heart. Very fragile that will not cry but will make his decisions based on the hurt, one or the other is feeling. Unfortunately, stupid stupid you did not see all this at 1st. you got a fair warning from the ex that was around him for so long. Stupid stupid you wont open your eyes. That 1st kiss was the worst mistake. Every step after that was you moving from stupid to dump. That you cry everytime he leaves makes no difference to him, you or especially the universe cos as soon as he comes with his sexy smile, warm arms and his best hugs, you will be all his again and again. He has not left the woman of his dreams, the woman that has tickled him for days on end. The woman that has held his hand through many things, the woman that has been his heartbeat for so long. She has been a friend, family, love and lover. Stupid stupid you, how can you compete with a woman that is all that, pretty, smart , patient and forgiving. Why did I ask that question? The right question is how can you walk into a bright and beautiful room and take out all the lights. Why didn’t you walk away???? Dump dump child. Did he leave her before you started this madness? Did he give a date to leave her? Did he leave her when you gave an ultimatum? Is there something am missing??? Can you not see that he is not your man? Yea he says he loves you, and am sure he does. With all the time he spends with you and the way he tolerates your bad habits. Yes he does love you. But I don’t tink he loves you enough to love you fully if you know what I mean. Why are you being hidden when he has no wife and kid at home? Why do you stealthy go to his house and leave same? Why do you fear to call when you av a feeling that ‘honey’ is close by? Whats your argument??? O that you get the best from him? Well yes, that’s usually the case between a married man his wife and his mistress. The wife gets gold, the mistress gets diamond. You used to be smart and independent. Don’t get weak now. You will do fine. You just need to straighten you priorities again. A man that deserves you wont think twice, that am sure of. What annoys me with you, is after everything you have been through you still trust sooo much, you are still pushing. I agree that he is something unexpected, something different, something with no value tag to be kept under maximum security but you will meet your own treasure. Stealing is not your thing. Defrauding is not yours either. So what happens when he decides and you are not his decision. What happens if honey is actually made. Will you not feel worse? Or you rather wait for that to stamp your stupidity on your heart??? see how many times I have told you how stupid you are being. How is it that such an intelligent professional with varios knowledge in random stuff and serious stuff, be so silly at such an obvious thing?. What an amazing thing to see, a mistress to a single man.

                                 THE THINGs I TAKE FOR GRANTED

 It has been a long day at work and I say I am tired of my job. The same job I prayed for. The same job I cried for. The same job I begged for. The same job 100s applied for, some with same qualifications, some even above. But I got lucky. I remember my anxiety after every stage of the recruiting process. How I begged for prayers, support, information and even links. And it was mine. Yet today I utter these selfish ungrateful words: 'I am tired of my job'. Alas if this job was to be taken from me or God forbid a threat of a query or suspension, will my cry not be as loud as the child whose mothers breast was yanked out his mouth? That's not all, I utter these words with no shame. That I have the voice to speak, and so I waste my speech. The man beside me nods cause he has been thirsty for days and will rather be rude than use his saliva. The woman on my other side is dumb and looks at me with such pity from my rant but then who deserves to be pitied. The things I take for granted.

                                                         GOD KNOWs BEST.....

 Most of the time, we take advantage of things we cannot see, things we cannot feel. Sometimes advantage is not the word, for granted is. These things are some of the most important things o. A very simple e.g is the air we breathe. We mess up our environment directly or indirectly because we do not see Air. We do do not have Air,s eyes looking at us guiltily. Air however has a way to retaliate, somehow we inhale this polluted air and it harms us directly or indirectly. Same for God. God the Almighty. He has made things solo easy for us. Blessed us,promised us mercy, promised us eternal bliss all in exchange for obedience. But what do we do? We push it aside , we procrastinate, we make promises with little or no intention to keep till we need something. And even then our consistency is for a minute and we are back to the old us. Yet he gives us many more opportunities to repent, to change, to make a difference.will The funny thing is we all know God wont ask us to do anything that won't be good for us, we know we really need Him, yet we disobey him and still ask for His help and favors. You and I know that you won't get your way like this with fellow humans. Once you promise and fail, even you will be reluctant to go back to the receiver. But we do to Him as we deem fit and call Him the Supreme to get our way. The questions i ask are simple: These things, choices we make against God's instructions are they worth it? If this life was a business, have I invested enough to reap my profits in the hereafter???? Will the value of my investment ensure my happiness in paradise? When I do meet God will he be pleased with me....

                                                      MY MARRIED SOUL.....

Daily, I see that my plans for marriage are fast becoming a fantasy. We all want different things, true but it seems what I want is too expensive. And to think am only asking for a bestirred. Tho, it seems no-one is trusting these days. But why aren't they trusting? Any one betrayed was betrayed by someone not by everyone. I promised not to settle for less. I was too sure he was out there, somewhere
But daily, it seems that there is no him from my plans, dreams or is it fantasy? Some mornings I wake up with that hope.
I meet someone who has my attention and my time. Am there ready to give my all. Waiting, hoping,watching, learning, praying, bonding, pouring secrets and then booooooooooooooom my bubble bursts against my heart, the pain of the blast, sharp deep. The cry of my heart-piercing my brain. All in all screaming warnings as to what it did right and wrong. My brain responding with equal rage bouncing the heart up and down in an effort to remind it of all its warnings. All the tell tale signs. Then finally they agree. No more men. That agreement only last till the next best guy.

Somehow I realize he just isn't into me, or he just isn't it. We don't have to have the same views but abet there is a limit. God forbid I go near a violent man, God forbid near a man that steals, God forbid I go near a man that doesn't know God.
Am beginning to believe that my plan for marriage is a fantasy. The man in my plan is from a Disney movie yet to be premiered. So, am I to face this thing they call reality and be with a man with more flaws than good? Or be with one that expects to hear no sound in my voice and expects my laughter to die in my eyes? Or be with he who enjoys the company of others more than mine? Or be with he who brings me more fear than kirikiri prison. 

In my head, I meet him and he says to me 'darling, I have been looking for you longer than you have been looking for me, I never gave up, I knew you would be there, somewhere'. I know that's a definite fantasy. A classic line fit for the return of Cinderella. 

The thing is, even if I accept that it is fantasy, where do I go from there. I can't settle, I JUST REFUSE TO SETTLE.